sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Who wears a wallet chain?!
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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