I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
