I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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