i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
