He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
