So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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