I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
