So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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