My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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