you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
