Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
