did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
