your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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