stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
