I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
