It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
