Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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