best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
