a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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