somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize