For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
