stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
