I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
