apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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