this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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