Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
