I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
