"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
