Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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