I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
