Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just google imaged poop.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It's rum buckets o'clock
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
