and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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