don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
