this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
