no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
