I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
