it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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