I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
