The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
