dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
