sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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