what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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