explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
