You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
how drunk are you?
Several
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
