He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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