i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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