Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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