I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Be still, my beating vagina.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
