Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
