Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
