Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
