yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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