And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
