I wish I could teleport
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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